If you know me, you know that I consider myself a recovering perfectionist.
In high school I fit all the classic stereotypes of the gifted student who would eventually end up burning out. Honors and AP classes, endless hobbies, and multiple extracurricular activities. I would beat myself up over an 89 on a research paper or on a flubbed note in my annual sight-reading evaluation to maintain my seat in the prestigious Honor Chorale.
I had inadvertently tied my intrinsic value as a person to tangible outputs – which is not a sustainable way to live. When I went to undergrad, I kept this up, that is, until I could no longer handle the massive stress I was putting on myself to achieve this state of perfection. Cracks began to show in my foundation, and I realized I needed to make serious changes philosophically to lead a healthy and balanced life.
In my work with Art Heals Arizona I have had to once again grapple with my pursuit of excellence and how it can lead to the inevitable pursuit of perfection. I first heard the phrase recovering perfectionist from Miller in our initial work with his agency. I immediately identified with it; however, I did not take into consideration what recovery truly looked like. In 2021 I felt that I had learned my lessons as a young adult and that I could spend the next 35 years as a recovered perfectionist. I had just assumed that this healing was linear and that the process was over. That mindset in and of itself is perfectionism.
Of course, I know that healing any kind of emotional or spiritual wound is not a straightforward process – there isn’t a starter’s pistol and there is not always a trophy when you cross the finish line. The work and unlearning are both steady and consistent. It’s incredibly cliché, but this sort of journey is a marathon, not a sprint. To see the course, one must take life at a different pace and truly nourish their soul. This is why I love the second half of this agreement: “perfection is not the goal”
Fundraising is some of the most rewarding yet stressful work I have ever done in my entire life, and it is tied to tangible outcomes – the work Art Heals Arizona does in our community is vital and essential for our participants, it is truly an outlet for children, teens, and families to learn how to express themselves and process the experiences they have endured. In this line of work, consistently meeting grant and reporting deadlines is standard practice – this is where I find myself needing a balanced pace. These are aspects of my work where it is great to pursue excellence and lean into responsibility.
Where I strike a balance is knowing that life happens — it is a matter of when, not if, something will not go according to plan. It is all about response. I find I have historically had a tendency to go to pieces. However, when I tap into my own resilience (as we say at Art Heals Arizona: the pyramid is for everyone), I find ways to manage and regulate. When that happens, the focus shifts towards the future instead of spinning on the past. This is where progress shines!
Reflection and taking the chance to properly plan for road bumps and learn from mistakes are signs of growth. Taking accountability for my actions is just as important as pursuing excellence. In a way, they go hand-in-hand. I wear many hats as a fundraiser, musician, friend, artist, and person. The pursuit of progress and accountability will take me further towards my goals than sprinting after something as evasive and unachievable as perfection.
This is the second piece in a series exploring all eleven of our shared agreements. These reflections will come from mulitple voices and perspectives across the Art Heals Arizona community — because if the agreements are shared, the reflection on them should be too. Bea Bohannon has been a member of the Art Heals Arizona fundraising team since 2021 and is currently the Director of Philanthropy. Outside of work she has an indepent practice as a composer, electronic musician, and vinyl DJ.
